kitty-bone's memories

2011-03-29T00:33:00.002+08:00

To Dao Wei, I really don't understand what's wrong between me and you. Do you hate me as your sister so much? I really don't know what wrong have I done to you. Sometimes I feel really really hurt by your actions. Ytd, I went into your room to use the printer to print out the assignment that I have to hand in TODAY. I didn't disturb you. I made as little noise as possible so as not to disrupt you. I couldn't connect my com to the printer and I didn't dare to ask you. In the end, I asked my friend to print for me. Today when I reached home, Dao Yong told me the printer was missing and later, he found it in the living room. You didn't tell any of us you moved it. Heck, did I even bother you that much?? I know it was partially my fault that my com was infected with virus and yes, I had to bother you to reboot the com. But was it too much to ask for? You went to your friend's house in the middle of the night to help him with his com. I am your sis. If I knew how to do it by myself, I would. Why do you always treat me like I am a nuisance? That day, I asked you to help me install Microsoft office. It's not because I was too lazy to do so. It's because I don't have the disc!! You lost your temper, scolded and I honestly didn't know why to say. If you can just give me the disc, I can install it myself. And that's what you did. You threw it at me and I installed it. It feels so different from before. It's like I don't have an elder bro anymore. I don't know how to talk to you, I don't even know how to meet you face to face. My friends feel envious of me that I have an elder bro that's good at IT and all that but I can't bring myself to tell them he doesn't like me enough to help me that much. Its not just all these stuff. I remember that day, mum, me and you had lunch together. She left to pack dad's lunch or sth and it was you and me left at the table. I went to the drink stall to take away my drink and when I turned my head, you were gone. Without telling me. I tried to look for you and mum and I couldn't find both of you. I felt abandoned. Yes, I am big enough, it's just downstairs but still you just left like that. When I finally spotted you and mum, she was like where did you go?! I was angry and said you left without telling me. She thought I accused her and got angry with me. You just kept silent. In the end, I took the keys and went back home. From that day, I couldn't feel close to you anymore.

2011-03-17T21:39:00.002+08:00

Hehe, a piece of good news. Ruiyun initiated a gathering with me and yue :) We only managed to have lunch together due to other commitments but to me, it had great significance. I was honestly worried about our friendship. I am usually the one who organizes gatherings so I was afraid that if I stop organizing the gatherings, we would slowly lose contact. But then, I didnt want to be the only one who commit anymore. So I am really glad that she wanted a meetup and was so enthusiastic about it.

Hmm.. did a whole string of projects lately. I dont know how to describe but it seems like I have discovered another piece of myself. I realized that its kind of stressful for others to work together with me. It seems like I might be too vocal in my opinions. I am not unfriendly. I really dont think I am. But it seems like I am stressing people out with my opinions. I think it wouldnt be that bad if my opinions are wrong. The problem is, sometimes I can pick out the flaws to an idea and question pp on it. I realize that when doing a project, after someone expresses an idea, everyone will look at me. I dont like to "reject" others' ideas but sometimes, they just cant work out. Its either not suitable or out of point. I hate to point it out but why waste everyone's time discussing about an idea that has major flaws. Sure, it might have great strengths as well but if we cant overcome the flaws then its still a bad idea. If I cant find a flaw to the idea then it means the idea is workable. Correct?

Usually, I plan project outlines too. From the things that need to be done to the deadlines that they are dued. Sometimes, I assign things that need to be prepared before a meeting. I know its stressful. You see a lot of things that need to be done and the limited amount of time to do them. But isnt it better to do a project with a clear direction than to plunge in aimlessly? I dont know but its not like I dont give others a chance to speak up. In fact, I always wait for others to start the discussion and I am really fine with going along with others as long as it makes sense. If someone can take charge, I can definitely be a follower. If the topic is not my forte, I wont take charge either.

I really am a good project team member. But somehow, it seems like something is wrong.

2011-03-11T22:52:00.002+08:00

So so full~ Haha, I was too hungry just now so I ate 2 plates of beehoon. Greedy me!! Haven been studying today. Spent the whole day watching shows, sleeping and going to tuition. Speaking of tuition, when I went into her room today, I got a shock. There was one big stack of practice exam papers, other schools' exam papers and assessment books on her table. I was like "uh oh!!". I can predict her CA results. Fortunately, its wasnt that bad. Mostly 60 plus. At least no fails. I think her dad will really panic if she falls below 60. And then it will be my turn to panic.

Next week is recess week. Yay!! Can rest.. or maybe not. There is a lot of projects due after recess week. Or should I say, recess week is the best time to finish up all the projects. Hmm.. I actually dont mind doing the individual work part of projects. What I dont like is specially going out somewhere to meetup with the other projects and spend one or two hours doing unproductive work and then come back home. Such a waste of time. Hw111 group should be fine, same goes for he192 group. Jinjin is so nice to accomodate our schedule. Ms2030 is a horror. The group is so scattered and disorganized. Hais..

Had my hp314b and hp206 quiz this week. Lol, did quite badly for 314b T-T but 206 should be not bad. Hehe, I have confidence in my cognitive ability :P

Anyway, finally took my gucci bag out this week. Really.. zhong kan bu zhong yong. Not waterproof, and the cloth material can get dirty easily. I guess we are really paying for the brand rather than the bag itself.

2011-02-25T19:26:00.001+08:00

Correction. Dinner wasnt that bad after all :)

2011-02-25T18:22:00.002+08:00

Just woke up from a long long nap. Lately I have been feeling very tired. I haven been doing much though. Weird.. Yesterday I had quite a bad headache. It suddenly came during tuition and gosh, I wanted to go home so badly. The lrt ride was a killer. So crowded and noisy. After I reached home, I flopped down on my bed and fell asleep. Haha, dirty, didnt bath but couldnt get myself to do it. Thankfully this morning when I woke up, the headache was gone =)

Hmm.. been some time since I last posted. Nothing much happened except for the usual academic stuff. Oh, me and yue finally went to the tour agency and we booked a trip to taiwan!! All paid and all procedures done!! Hehe, this time there will be nothing to stop us from going. Looking very forward to it. Its 4D3N with a land tour on the second day. There's hotspring too!! Going to shop and eat and shop and eat. It will be straight after our final exams so I guess I have found my motivation to work hard during the torturous exam period.

Quite a lot of assignments and projects to work on now but the deadlines are reasonable so not much stress there. Have been dutifully keeping up with the readings so for the first time, I have nothing to catch up with!! Haha, I have learnt my lesson from hp201 last semester. Hopefully, this semester will go well. Econs is really hard. Dont know why I didnt learn my lesson from he211. Well, I guess I was too happy that he192 fitted so nicely into my timetable. Hais, guess I just have to struggle and try my best since I cant S/U either.

Hmm.. not sure why but lately I have been feeling very out of place with my family. I feel that my mum is really biased towards my bro. I feel that I really dont like my bro. Dont know how to communicate with them. Dont want to communicate with them. Dont think I can communicate with them. When I am home, I want to close my door and enjoy the personal space that I have. Dont want to have dinner with any of them. Dont think I will have lunch with them either. Sometimes I wonder, is it really true that mothers will always be biased towards their sons?

2011-01-28T21:37:00.002+08:00

It has been a really long time since I last blogged. Lol, I can't even remember what my last post consisted of. Hmm.. for starters, school has reopened and fortunately, I have all 6 modules in my bag. There are still many vacancies for ee8064 though. Wonder whats up with that module, besides the super dry content and the super annoying lecturer. We are young adults more than 20 years old!! Not kindergarden kids that need fairy tales!! She is the only lecturer that I encountered so far who conducts her lecture as if she is speaking to children. -.-

The textbooks cost a lot.. T-T. Big or small, thick or thin, they are still $50 each. Boohoo, my $$ are gone with the wind. Speaking about money, I am honestly amazed at how much I spent during the last 2 months. I am not far from depleting my spending account. Got to save, save and save!!

Hmm.. major happening right before school started. Hais.. not sure how I am supposed to settle it. I had a fight(??) or should I say it was a one-sided disagreement on my side with ruiyun. Yue's bday was nearing and I asked her out to shop for her present. She said she was busy with her cca but promised that she will surely make it for the celebration/gathering. Then over the week, I sent her smses asking her about the location etc. Gosh, I dont need her to do anything other than reply my smses telling me which location she prefers. Is it that hard?? Apparently, it was. She didnt reply and I got pissed off. Sent her an sms clearly indicating my frustration and anger and clearly asking for her to suggest a location. Got a reply within 15 mins saying she was busy with her cca and she has no preference. ?!?! How busy can she be with cca that she cant reply to my previous smses but reply that fast to this one? It goes to show how important she think the gathering is.

On the night before the gathering, it was 12.30am actually, I sent an sms to her to inform her of a change in dinner timing. She replied thanks for organizing but she had a sudden cca meeting thus she cannot make it. !!!! At 12.30am? How sudden is the meeting?! Excuses. Really. She is in nbs. She should be able to lie better than that. I am not unreasonable. If she had told me earlier eg in the day that something cropped up and she really cant make it, I would be disappointed but not upset. But honestly, to tell me at midnight and it being a reply to my sms, I cant help but think that she either forgot entirely about the gathering or she just didnt want to go. She told me she felt bad too. Yeah, right. Cant blame me for not believing that. Told her to enjoy the meeting and goodnight. Cant blame me for being sarcastic either.

I feel really disappointed with her attitude. I thought our friendship would be able to last.. i dunno, forever?? At least till we graduate. To me, commitment is very impt in a relationship, whatever the nature. When someone doesnt make the effort to commit, I dont see the point to maintaining the bond. Sf said that she doesnt believe I would cut off my friendship with her. When I am not angry anymore, everything would be fine. Problem is, it is not anger that I feel. Anyway, she had made no effort to improve things. She probably doesnt think its a big deal.

Something happier, my dad bought me a Gucci bag!! Wahaha!! Its my 21st bday present!! Very very nice of him =)

2011-01-08T23:11:00.003+08:00

Halfway through my holiday and I am now very used to my idle lifestyle. Haha, I sleep at around 2am everyday and I wake up at about 12pm. Lol, I thought I would be able to catch up on my sleep during this holiday but for some reason, I still feel tired. I have read a lot a lot of books. There is nothing much that I can do at home. The computer is not that interesting now that exams are over and there is only so much time that I can spend with my tiny kitchen and tap resort. Hehe, my kitchen and islands are growing beautifully!! =)

I resumed my tuitions this week and I was quite annoyed with one of my kids as she threw everything out of her brain during the one month dec break. Geez, how can parents just let their kids go wild during the holidays and expect them to adjust quickly to school life once school reopens. Reading is very much encouraged. Hais, I hope she catches on soon. Her dad is already panicking over the number of mistakes she made in her assessment books. Met my new tuition kid today. A very nice enthusiastic boy. I was so touched when he brought out all the materials willingly and discussed with me the teaching methods that he like and what he needs to improve on. Hopefully, he would still be like this next week.

I accidentally burnt my finger today T-T. Was trying to cook with the new frying pan and I touched the metal surface. Dont think its anything serious though. Not much of a blister. Going to register for my modules next tues. Gosh, I hope that I would be able to get all or at least most of the indexes that I have planned. Its the most perfect, ideal timetable. Thankfully,our coordinator has already registered hw111 for us. Hee, thanks Lydia!! One down =) Results will be out next next tues. Wish me good luck!! =P

2010-12-23T22:18:00.003+08:00

Finished exams two days ago. Didnt feel very happy though. Haha, felt very empty instead. Dont know what I am supposed to do for my one month holiday. Yesterday I spent the whole day painting my nails and today I went out with Yue to shop around at orchard. Hais.. felt so old. We used to get very excited at clothes, shoes, accessories etc but today, I didnt feel any excitement. They didnt feel appealing at all. In the end, I went to highlight my hair. Haha, spent a hundred bucks on it.

Met an interesting pair while eating lunch today. There was this guy sitting beside us who was complaining to his partner about Singapore's foreign influx, the culture or should I say the lack of culture, the education system and the unbelievable crowd everywhere. Singapore is overcrowded!! Haha, Yue and I were so quiet throughout the lunch. We were busy listening. The funny thing is the guy wanted to eat fries but there were no small fries, only one large size, so he didnt order in the end and we had a lot of leftover fries. He was staring incredulously at us when we left the table with lots of fries uneaten. Lol.

Met up with Jas today. Haven seen her in a while. She passed me some homemade cookies. Turned out she was distributing cookies to all her friends. Hais.. I was hoping that she would give me a bday or xmas present. Not that I really want the present but rather the thought. A card would be really nice as well. And I prepared a gift and card for her T_T

Yue was superwoman today. She shopped for 6 hours non-stop to find xmas presents for me and shufang. Haha, luckily at the end of the day she did manage to pick out some presents. I wonder whats mine. She said its stylish. Lol, I highly doubt her words though.

2010-12-15T19:46:00.002+08:00

Hehe.. so far so good. I have had 3 papers so far, 2 more next week. Astro was so so.. It would have been quite difficult if the prof didnt recycle questions from past year papers. Lol, he even recycled questions from the quiz. 204 was okay. The essay questions were an eye-opener. I didnt know that the concepts can be applied across chapters like that but still I think it was fairly doable. Comms paper today was a shock. I studied a lot for nothing!! T-T The prof spotlighted only certain aspects of certain chapters thus for those who did not study those chapters thoroughly enough, its not possible to come up with an essay on it. And there is not enough understanding, its not easy to produce a 30 or 29 marks essay on them either. Fortunately, I studied them!! Hee!

So far, this exam experience has been very interesting. For astro, around 3/4 of the students left before time was up so the hall was very empty by the time the paper ended. And then when the invigilators were collecting, they were so shocked when they couldnt find the answer sheet! I witnessed one invigilator whose mouth dropped open and he was flustered. Haha, I guess it didnt occur to them on first thought that the students slotted the answer sheet within the question booklet. And then there was an old invigilator who collected the answer sheets very slowly and missed out one student. Lol, this goes to show that you should never leave early. They might not collect your paper though they would double-check. The most amusing thing was the old invigilator lost one answer sheet and the invigilators were all in an uproar. They recounted and recounted. In the end they had to search through the question booklets. Haha, lucky for them the missing piece was on top of a booklet and not inside it.

I had the weirdest seats this semester. For astro, I was allocated the first row but directly in front of me wasnt the invigilators but a wall. Like 面壁思过.. For 204 exam, I had the worst seat. It was in one isolated corner with the sun shining though the drapes at my back. To my left was a dragonfly -.- I thought it was dead at first but the minute before exam started, it moved its legs. Hais, I dont need a dragonfly beside me!! It was quite distracting. I was afraid that the dragonfly would fly to me or sth. Then for comm, I was sitting directly in front (or beside??) the door. Not a very nice position either. Haha, hopefully I have better seats for the last 2 exams.

Anyway, got to work hard. 201 is next. Somehow or another, I need to study and memorise 18 chpts.

2010-12-07T14:04:00.003+08:00

Eating salty flavour popcorn that I bought from daiso now. Not nice. T-T Went for lunch at bpp just now with my mum. We ate at the newly renovated ichiban sushi and i must say, they really only upgraded the store's design. The food there is still terrible as compared to the outlet at jurong point. Hais..

At last I printed out the photos that I have accumulated over the past few outings. Haha, I must say I look pretty good. Hehe!! Have been playing tiny chef and tap resort on my itouch for the past few days or week and they are growing fast. Wahaha, I wish my knowledge on my modules are growing at that speed too.

Exams are next week. Cleared(??) com studies ytd. Or should I say I consider it done. Really, at this point of time, I cant be bothered anymore. I am halfway to giving up. I have been studying for so long!! Looking on the bright side, 2 more weeks! And I am done! I have 4 days to finish revision for 204. A bit impossible but I will try my best. There's no choice actually, I have no more time.

My parcels are not coming~ Where are they?? The blogshop owner said she sent out my item last wed evening so maybe by this wed? I remembered last dec, my item took around 1 week to reach me. I was so worried.. I thought it got lost in the mail. But then I always dont want to spend the extra 2 bucks for registered mail. Serves me right I guess =P

2010-12-01T22:03:00.002+08:00

Today was disastrous. Sf and yue went to get their assignment 2 and sf got an amazingly high result. T-T I really should have attempted the assignment. And then on my way home, my gastric acted up. I was standing on the lrt train, desperately trying to bear with the nausea and stomachache and the train kept stopping for an extraordinary long time at each station!! No kidding, I counted the seconds. It was around 30 sec per station. Do people take that long to alight or get on?!?!

Hmm.. dont know how to describe how I felt today. Its a mixture. When I saw that sf got such high marks for her assignment, I genuinely felt happy for her. She hasnt been doing very well in most of her quizzes and tests so this would be a big boost to her confidence. However, after a while, I felt quite unhappy. Not till upset but still, not very happy. I helped her quite a lot in her assignment 2. I am not trying to credit myself but without my help, she might not be able to get such high marks. And because I helped, she got higher marks than me. I thought of what my mum casually asked me some time ago, " If you help them, wouldnt you lose out?" I guess she was referring to competition for the final grade. She wasnt serious though, just a passing remark. I didnt really take it seriously too. But today, it popped into my mind. I guess I am really very result-oriented.

And then I felt bad for thinking that way. I chose to help her so I should not feel unhappy when she gets a good mark. The reason for me helping her in the first place was precisely I wanted to help her get a good mark. I guess I felt pretty confused. When I was analysing and trying to answer the question, I gave it my all and didnt hold any info back so if sf's answers are not good, means I am not good. So I will get pretty upset. And now that she got a good grade, I am not happy. Hais, girls are so temperamental. I guess I wanted her to get a good grade but not one better than mine. I felt selfish and then I felt bad for being selfish. I must say, I didnt feel regret but rather confused as to whether helping her was the correct decision.

I was still feeling pretty confused until I saw the sms from her. She thanked me for the help and I instantly felt better. Cant really explain why but I guess I feel appreciated and suddenly I felt that it's worth it. And then she sent me a second sms saying that I am very nice and that not everyone will help out like that. I felt guilty. Haha.. Anyway, figured out that she is my friend so I should help her. Doesnt matter whatever grade we get now since there is still finals. We should help each other get the best grades we can during CA so that we can pull the difference between us and other people. Hehe, collectivism!!

On reflection, its my responsibility. There is nothing wrong with helping other people so I shouldnt be unhappy about it. I should have attempted the assignment too. If I had, I would have given myself a chance to get a better grade so I shouldnt fault sf for that. I was lazy and too confident of my last assignment's result so now that there are others who got a similar or better result compared to mine, I have no one to blame but myself. Lesson learnt here :)
Gotta work hard for my final exams~

2010-11-30T13:25:00.002+08:00

I have a very weird sensation in my stomach now. It feels oddly and sadly like an impending gastric attack. Gosh! I shouldnt have eaten the sambal fried rice and drank the milk tea. Hais, my eating habits havent been very well lately. No surprise there. I have been trying to adjust my eating habits but since I am sleeping very late at night, I have no idea when i am supposed to eat dinner. Not good to eat dinner after 8pm so cant postpone dinner time but I get hungry at midnight and I cant eat -.- I will wake up at noon feeling very hungry and stuff myself full and tada! My gastric goes haywire.

I have been studying real hard recently. Over the weekend and ytd, I went through 4 electures for astro, 3 chpts of 201 and completed one essay for 329. Wow, now that I listed it out, its really a lot!! But not enough.. theres 3 more chpts to 201, 4 more to 204 and I guess I will assume 329 readings are nonexistent. Shall try to finish 204 readings today so I can concentrate on the rest for the rest of the week. Ahh, life's tough. I wonder which idiot told me uni life is free and relaxed. That person should be failing most of his/her modules if his or her uni life is really like that.

Feel very tired especially at night but the anticipation of getting good results motivate me. I must be high in nAch. I like to do well and I want to do well. I got back my result for the recent com quiz. I got 96. Hehe, very very happy. Better than what I expected and my expectation wasnt low at all. Haha, I am going to do well for my finals. With all the effort that I am putting in, I better do well.

2010-11-26T18:37:00.003+08:00

Hehe, received another result ytd. I got 9.5 out of 10 for my hp201 presentation!! Yay!! All my efforts of rehearsing and researching paid off. Proud of myself. Hee, I knew the prof would like pp who are prepared. Yue and sf both did well too. Good for them =)

Exams are really around the corner. Walk straight, turn and bump! That's it. Two weeks counting down and judging by the amount of unread chpts that I have, I better be prepared for many many late nights. I want to sleep~! I want to read the book that I borrowed from the library too. Hais, I reserved that book a long time ago and of all the days to come, it came just before exams. Guess I can read a bit every night. Hehe, maybe a bit more than a bit but still, I will CONTROL!!

Cant wait for exams to be over. I bought sf's xmas present already and yue's present is still pending. Waiting for the ebay bid thingy. Hmm, I am proud of my presents. Think they will like it a lot~ I really spent a lot of time (2 nights, lol) searching and deciding on their presents. Haha, the internet is really convenient. I want to exchange presents, have a nice dinner and laugh a lot =) Vikki is back too but cant meet her before exams =( Dont really want to go to town area for dinner now since I will really prefer to study and she doesnt want to come to the west. Yun cant make time too but honestly, I doubt that she is motivated to make time. Anyway, settled the date to be after exam so no one should have excuse to not go for the gathering. Its time for everyone to meet up anyway :)

Its going to be xmas soon. Sf's enthusiasm is contagious!! Looking very very forward to exchanging presents =)

2010-11-18T15:44:00.002+08:00

I have aircon switched on in my room now. Cooling~ hehe!! My bro's aircon was spoilt since a few days back and because of that all of us couldnt switch on our aircon since his aircon will start raining. Lol. And it has been so hot for the past few nights!! Yay, finally tonight I can enjoy my aircon =)

Did my 329 report yesterday. Spent a much longer time than I planned. Hais.. and it was only 2 sections that I needed to write. Found a few childhood songs too. River flows in me, Always with me and Stroll though the sky. Haha, they are all either piano version or orchestra version. Nice!! A letter is also nice. Touching melody. Pity I couldnt find the mp3 version of it. My younger bro taught me how to rip files from youtube some time ago but I keep forgetting how. In fact, my elder bro taught me before too, but I forgot. I think I have some IT deficit. Luckily I dropped my cyber security or else I will be dying in programming now. Even though its simple basic programming.

Gastric hasnt been well recently. Ytd, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling nauseous. I pushed down the urge to puke cause I dont think its healthy to keep puking now and then. The night before ytd and the night before before ytd were almost the same. Either stomach not well or gastric act up. Hais, I cant even say its what I ate since I am pretty sure I ate pretty normal food for dinner. Maybe its because I didnt eat enough for dinner to last me past midnight. Have been sleeping very very late recently. Perhaps next time I should eat a light supper at ten. Will get fat though. Hais.. such a troublesome body.

Dont think I will be doing much today. I dont foresee me reading my 204 or 201 tb. Ahh, whatever! I want to nap. After I wake up, I will read one chpt of 204. *nods head* One chpt.

2010-11-16T14:59:00.003+08:00

Hehehe.. Update update!! I have finished most of my quizzes except for one lone quiz next week. And I got back most of results. Wahaha!! I did a pretty good job!! Hehe, I got 83 for my hp201, 21/25 for my hp204 assignment and good comments for my presentation and most importantly, A+ for my astro quiz!! Good job to me!! Quite proud of myself actually. I really studied a lot this semester. I worked much much harder as compared to the previous two sems so I am really happy to see that my hard work has paid off. Now that I have secured about 30% for most of my modules, I just need to continue working hard till my finals and get As. I am quite determined to do well this semester since I have the confidence that I can do it!! One more month to finals, jiayou!! =)

Anyway, went for ipl today. T-T the doctor said I have a lot of hair follicles since there is quite a lot of hair left. Hais, I was hoping that I will only need to go for 5 sessions. I think she powered up today's treatment since it was slightly more painful than the last treatment. All the better i guess. Hopefully, this time more hair will be gone >.< Hmm, I have a long break this week. Its comms e-learning week so no lesson on tues and thurs. Wed is public holiday. So 3 days break!! Just in time for me to catch up with all my readings. Have to hand in 329 report on fri though. Hopefully today can read 2 chpts of 201, tmr clear a few 204 chpts and thurs is 329 day. Then over the weekend can study comms. Omg, study is my life now!! T-T

2010-11-07T13:15:00.002+08:00

Its hot today!! Hmm.. I got accepted into entre minor. In fact, all 3 of us got accepted. I think it was really like what asraf said, they accept everyone as long as they go for the interview. Hais, so nothing to be proud over. Anyway, not accepting the offer since I dont really want to stay up late for a whole month to do projects with group members that I have not even seen before. I think I am really getting old. Cant go without 8 hours sleep everyday. My eye circles are getting darker and darker. I got a shock when I looked at the mirror the other day!! Hais.

Anyway, major events in this coming week. 204 presentation on tues which I am quite worried about since we didnt get to rehearse as a group and I am really struggling to keep within the time limit. And astro quiz on wed which I am very worried about since there's only 15 questions when there are 9 sets of lecture notes. How can there only be 15 questions?!?! The lecturer is soooooo lazy >.<

Things to do for today: listen to the last lecture recording, nap and revise 3 sets of notes
Things to do for tmr: revise 3 sets of notes and rehearse for presentation
Things to do on tues: revise whatever that is left and panic

2010-10-31T23:01:00.002+08:00

I studied the whole day today!! Proud of myself :) Ytd I studied at night too. Read half of a chpt of hp201. Today, I spent my whole day with astronomy. It is actually quite interesting. The recordings of the lectures are done very well with clear voice recordings and clear images. Guess I just found my reason to skip all the astro lectures. Hehe. But its pretty tiring though.. to spend the whole day at the computer, studying. I would much rather read textbooks, less taxing on the eyes.

Anyway, some interesting things that I have learnt today: the sun helps the comets grow tails!! And a comet has two tails, one that is visible to us and the other not. And meteor showers come from the comet tails. Haha!! Oh, and in some odd way, Jupiter is the guardian of the inner solar system. It helps to protect Earth, Mars, Venus etc =)

Had grilled stuff for dinner today. Beef, lamb, hot dogs and crabsticks!! So salty :( And together with the seaweed -.- I had to drink 3 cups of water to curb my thirst. Tmr I will have to do 204 presentation slides and scripts and squeeze in some time to read 201 tb. Seems impossible T-T

2010-10-30T20:49:00.002+08:00

I just reread all the posts that I have blogged. All the way from 2005 till now. And I cant believe how much that I have changed or not changed from the naive sec 1 me. One of my teachers once showed us a video on a speech made by the founder of apple(I think). In his speech, he mentioned about connecting the dots from our past but we wouldnt be able to do it in the present. Only in the future, in retrospect, we find out that things will work themselves out nicely.

I used to worry a lot about my grades, my social circle, my love life or the lack of it and my family. Now, for some reason, I am doing quite well in university. I do worry about my grades but not in that kind of desperate situation as before. Maybe fate did deal me a good hand when it sent me into psychology. Perhaps it was a good thing that my a level results could get me nowhere better than psychology. 3 years down the road, after I graduate, I would be able to find out. I dont worry about my social circle anymore. Its as small as before. No improvement made there but I am contended. There's no use in having many friends when they cant stand by you in times of trouble. I have learnt that 2 or 3 intimate friends are enough.

Score in love life: Egg. Gosh, I think I can never jump out of the "single" status. Sometimes I really really wonder why. I dont see myself as an undesirable person but no one has expressed interest for me in uni. Why? Hmm, on the other hand though, I dont feel a burning desire for a bf. Sf and kx is enough of a show for me. Lol!! Family is doing quite well now. My younger bro is trying really hard-he has a lawyer dream. My elder bro is in army and my parents are getting along fine. All the troubles from a few years back seem so far far away now.

I would like to think that I have matured but its not up to me to say. I would be very very biased. Haha. I think that I am more responsible than before though. I have definitely become more money-minded and ironically, more of a spendthrift. My current goal is to accumulate $$ in my bank while maintaining a healthy amount of spending. I dont think that I am as optimistic as I was in sec sch but apparently sf think that I am a very very optimistic person. She should have known me earlier. I would have told her that sometimes, money falls from the sky. Lastly, I hope my english has improved. When I was reading my past posts, I was so shocked at my grammer and spelling errors -.-

2010-10-30T20:22:00.002+08:00

I got my 204 assignment 1 back!! Haha, proud of myself.. I got 21/25!! Hehe.. my com quiz wasnt that bad too. 88/100. Although the average was 86. Lol, its pretty high.. well, at least I wasnt below average. Next quiz coming in a month's time. I will have to work harder next time so that I can put a distance between me and most of the class. I MUST get A for this module since the rest dont seem to be looking very good. Hmm.. astro quiz is next next week. 15 mcqs for 30%. Very high weightage so a bit worried about it. But if I can do well for this quiz, its a good headstart so I shall do my best. =) Had my 201 quiz this wed and I must say, it was slightly easier than I expected. Not sure whether I can do well though.. but a pass should be no problem.

Went for facial on thurs and the beautician commented on my eyes. Dark circles, eye bags, looks very tired, blah blah. Although I know that its a sales gimmick for me to purchase more stuff, it did bring attention to me that I need to take care of my eyes starting NOW. I can really see fine lines under my eyes. Freaked me out. Its wrinkles.. T_T I am going to purchase eye gel and salvage the situation. Face is in good condition lately so quite pleased about that =)

I went to grandma's house today and my aunt gave me a lot of souvenirs from Korea. She bought me some products from The Face Shop, kimchi, jeju orange chocolate and seaweed!! Haha, I was very happy to see all the stuff. She said there were many cheap clothes and facial products there. Oh man, I also want to go to Korea. Hmm.. cant bear to part with the $$ though.. Hais.

Anyway, I made up with shufang the very next day of our mini argument and we are as close as before. Very good!!

2010-10-20T18:32:00.002+08:00

Today, I went out for a movie with yue and shufang. Today, I had a mini argument with shufang. Today, I didnt come home feeling very happy. Is it because of the quizzes next week thats why everyone is feeling stressed?

I know shufang hasnt been in a good mood lately. She had all sorts of disagreements with her bf and since her bf is sick, she also has the responsibility to play her part as a loving gf (as requested by her bf). Plus the deadline of 329 report last friday and a few quizzes coming up next week. I can understand that she is feeling frustrated and stressed out. I wouldnt want to be in her position either. But then, I still feel upset that she accused me.

Just now, at cine, she showed me the shop that she and yue bought my birthday bag from. I requested for them to show me cause they told me that the shop brings in warehouse stocks so the prices are quite cheap and the designs there are pretty. That was the reason why I wanted to visit the shop. And then, at the shop, yue jokingly asked me, " so did you see your bag?" I was laughing and then I took a look around and then replied. " yup, I saw it back there.." In actual fact, I did not spot my bag at all. I was going to continue crapping with her and then shufang burst out, " Why are you so weird? How can you ask us to bring us to the shop so that you can find out the price of the bag?" She continued with other stuff along the same line and believe me, she was very seriously accusing me of it.

I was shocked. Yue was also shocked. Then I felt angry. Its not like we have only known each others for a short period of time. One year may not be that long but definitely she should know that I am not that sort of person! I dont care about the price of my present but more of whether you know me enough to give me something that I would like. I would expect her to know that. I told her that I was only joking with yue and she continued arguing till yue said that we were only joking around. Then she said that she didnt hear what yue asked before my reply but she didnt apologise to me. Or I didnt hear her apologise. Either way, I was pretty upset but I shut up cause I didnt want to blow this into a big argument. After that, she didnt seem to think anything was wrong and suggested eating ice cream blah blah blah.

Then we went far east plaza to shop around. Things got back to normal. We were laughing, joking all that but she still seem pretty tense. At least not as relaxed as she usually is. Awkward silence on the bus home together. Hmm, not sure what to say. Hais, and I was hoping that today would be the one day that I can have fun in the whole of my recess week.

2010-10-18T15:24:00.002+08:00

Today is the start of recess week=start of intense studying week. Hais, I have tons of readings to do: HP201 tb, HP204 tb, HP329 readings (which is a lot) and astro notes. 201 quiz straight after recess and although its mcqs and fill in the blanks, I have got a feeling that its going to be HARD!!

I should have started studying ytd. Did made plans to study with shufang but woke up with gastric pain and stomachache. T-T Had to postpone my tuition and cancel my plans with sf. In the end slept till the afternoon, went for tuition, came back and watched 3 hrs of 爱. Whole day gone.. I will have to make up for it today. No afternoon nap :(

Last tues I had my birthday. It was great! Sf and yue tried to surprise me on mon by asking ruiyun to make a surprise appearance but they were so obvious that I saw through right away. Lol!! The two gals really dont know how to lie. Hehe, they gave me a very pretty bag for my present. Super pretty but the next day when I tried to carry it out, the straps fell apart from the bag. Hais, shows that pretty stuff really dont last. Anyway, repaired it with some creativity but honestly, I dont think I will carry it out much. Who knows when it will snap again. I got a lot of bday greetings on that day through sms and fb. Was really really happy cause I love love love to get bday messages. Feel that I am remembered and loved by other pp >.<

Back to the handphone issue. HTC finally agreed to let me have a new phone. After one whole month of repair and 2 weeks of discussion by the management. Honestly wonder what the management is doing. Would a 1 to 1 exchange cost them that much?! Phone is supposed to arrive either today or tmr. No signs of it coming soon. Hopefully it will come tmr.

2010-10-08T21:53:00.002+08:00

I just finished a msn conversation with limian. I am totally shocked. Sometimes, I really wonder how a person can present so many sides of himself to people.

Initially, I totally hated him. He was in my hp102 project group last sem and really, I had a bad impression of him. He strikes me as rude, snobbish and too proud of himself. This sem for hp329, we were forced to be in a group together and for the first few tutorials, I was fuming by end of each lesson. First tutorial, he told me he forgot my name straight to my face. Second tutorial, he groaned and grumbled to his friend about going back to the same group when he was right beside me. I am in his group!!! And I forgot which tutorial, I was trying to be friendly so I exchanged my work with him. First sentence that he said, " You did wrongly." @#$%!

After that, I heard from his clique how grumpy, moody and petty he can be and my opinion of him jumped off the cliff. But after that, when I had a chance to speak with asraf, he told me how limian really is. He is grumpy, yes. Hard to understand, yes. A bit overconfident, yes. Actually "alpha male" was the exact words asraf used. But asraf also said that limian is the one guy he can trust to save his life. If his friends need help, he will do everything in his abilities to do so. He can be pretty rude and straightforward but he usually has a reason for doing so and not out of sarcasm or spite.

After the talk with asraf, my opinion of him did changed but I wasnt that sure whether he is that good a guy as he said. Then shufang told me limian is doing mb106 project now and asked her for her project for reference. I decided to offer him my project as a gesture of friendliness. He accepted and he thanked me nicely for it, which I was very pleased. Today, he was in a very good mood during tutorial and then just now, he initiated a conver with me. I was so surprised but kind of happy too. Its always nice to make friends with people. He was still dominating in his opinions but after knowing his communication style, it wasnt that bad. At least he knows what he is talking about and he can support his view with reasons. He told me I am cui and I need to study more. I would have been offended in the past but I wanted to be open to his style. He then continued to give me tips and suggestions on how to study and then he encouraged me to read the tb in detail.

We managed to talk about a lot more other things as well. Surprisingly, we can get along pretty well on msn. He ended off with a warm note. And my opinion of him entirely changed. He is a good guy after all but why is it that sometimes he is so hostile to people? Or maybe he just looks hostile. Hopefully, next time when we meet, face to face, we would be able to get along too.

2010-10-05T21:48:00.002+08:00

I have been very frustrated lately. My phone took such a longgggggg time in the service centre. I finally called last thurs and they claimed that they have contacted me twice on mon to set up delivery time. But I didnt receive any calls at all!! Fine. They promised that they will call to set up delivery time later on thurs afternoon but they didnt. Pissed off. In the end, I sent in a complaint email and turned out that they have arranged to deliver the hp at night. Without calling in advance. -.-'' Nvm, as long as I get my phone back. I felt a little guilty though, for the complaint mail.

Next day, I had a shock!! The battery cannot be charged!!! I was so happy to get my phone back and turned out that it cant be charged!! GRRRRR! So annoyed and frustrated. I really think HTC phones have a huge problem. I took my bro's htc dream as a replacement but only after 1 yr plus of use, it became so lag. And the screen is not that sensitive to touch. Gosh, i hope my Desire doesnt become like that after a yr. But then with less than 3 months, it has already been to the service centre twice. Hais.. sent in another email and this time I was very agitated in my mail. So disappointing when the phone looked so appealing. 中看不中用.. humph.

But then, their customer service made up for it. The person was very polite and sincere in his replies and they offered to pick up the phone for service from my home. Made me feel better since I dont have to go all the way down to harbourfront and queue again. Service was also very prompt. Sent in the email last night, today afternoon they came to pick up the phone. Hopefully, I will be able to get my phone back very soon. In tip top condition. Or maybe just a functional condition will do.

2010-09-23T21:00:00.002+08:00

Ehhh.. yesterday it was my turn to present my topic to the whole class. In fact, I was the first person to present in the entire class. So damn nervous!! Now that I think about it, I cant recall anything about the presentation including what I said, whether I made eye contact etc. I can only recall being very very very nervous. Haha!! Very weird. This presentation is only worth 10% or lesser than that. I had one of the easiest topic in the entire textbook and the prof was actually a nice person. Dont know why I was so nervous.

Yue was even more nervous than me!! Hahaa!! She didnt look at me at all. Lol, I looked at her during my presentation and she smiled at me. I smiled back and became more nervous. Hehe, no matter what, we have had our turns so now we can sit back and relax and watch my classmates present for the next few tutorials.

Hmm.. sf told me about an incident that happened between her and her bf. She was annoyed at him for something and then her bf came to her house at night and gave her a big bear to make her happy. So sweet~ So envious!!! Ahh.. I want someone to give me a bear too. Or maybe I just want a bear.. Lol. Not sure, I want a bf too. But I cant seem to meet any decent guys. I think my social circle is too small. For some reasons, I dont seem to have any guy friends!! Oh no, theres Asraf. Nice and sensible person but not my type. Whats my type?! No idea at all. Hais.. I want to get a bf before I graduate. In fact, I should get one before I graduate. I want a school life kind of romance. After graduation, it will be a work life kind of romance. Completely different genres.

Anyway, a lot of things to do this weekend. A completely puzzling assignment. 5 chapters of reading for HP201 and 3 chapters of reading for COM201. I dont want to read them, I want storybooks!!

2010-09-16T20:50:00.002+08:00

Wahahahah!!!! I am offered the MOE teaching award!! lol, quite happy that I am qualified for it. Makes my hard work seems worthwhile. I hope that MOE did not offer it to just about everyone. Hmm.. not considering to take up the offer though. Although the benefits are quite good and the starting salary is fine, there doesnt seem to be much future prospect to being a teacher. Whats more, a primary school teacher. If I am not wrong, psychology students are trained in primary specialization at NIE. Cannot, I think recently I have developed a certain dislike for kids.

Haha, just received my last payment from the teaching intern job. Very happy!! I just set up a new account at UOB. That will be my saving accounts. I shall transfer most of my money there and then keep POSB as my spending account. That way, I will be free to spend whatever little money I have at POSB and not feel guilty about it =)

Its a very busy week for me. A lot of assignments. A lot of projects. A lot of readings. Honestly, this is really the first semester that I am overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do. I am quite glad that I dropped cinema studies. 5 modules this sem is more than enough. I have a lot to do this weekend. Meaning I cant slack. Oh well, I can foresee that I will be quite free next weekend though. Can play there.

My handphone has broken down. I sent it for repair and its supposed to take 3 to 5 days. Today is the third day. No handphone in sight. Damn! After using my bro's hp, I realised how much I like my own hp. Hope it comes back soon.. I want it tmr!! Good thing htc provides home delivery service to send the repaired hp back. So nice of them~

2010-09-10T22:24:00.004+08:00

Its been a while since my last post. Lol, and I was intending to making blogging a habit when I resumed writing last month. Hmm.. two weeks into school and I am getting very tired. I shouldnt have worked so much during the holidays. I feel that I have not played enough so I am trying very hard to spend time on anime and manga while keeping up with school work. Tiring process since I will have to sleep late to do that. Luckily its a public holiday today and I got some time to rest. Next week, the add drop period will be over and everyone will be officially settled down in their electives. Therefore after this weekend, I will be a good girl and keep up with all my readings and hw.

Initially I was allocated cyber security for my elective. Sad!! I dont really like computers and my friend was allocated astronomy. To be honest, astro is not any easier than cyber. I heard that cyber is actually a relatively easy course from all my seniors and friends. Just that, I am not interested in computers and I am a computer idiot. Astro is difficult I heard but the exam is in mcq format. Not that it helps a lot since the questions are difficult. Anyway, in the end, everything worked out. I managed to find a slot for astro. Lucky!! There was suddenly 6 vacancies when usually you will be lucky to even chance upon one. Now, I can study everything with Yue!! Hahahaha, we will take all our exams together!! =)

We decided to drop second major. Hais.. I guess we chose the wrong choice. Communications is really not easy in the sense that it is very technical. If you dont have the passion and the interest, it is very hard to study and get good grades. We initially took cinema studies which is about analyzing films. MONTAGE!! BATLESHIP POTEMKIM!! LONG TAKE!! BORING!! We finally dropped it on thurs and it was after buying a $50 textbook. T_T If I had chose econs, it might have worked out better. But considering the workload, maybe not.

First day, start of new sem!

2010-08-30T21:51:00.002+08:00

Tiring!! Although I didnt really do much today. Attended only half the lecture of individual psychology cause the lecture was quite boring. I cant say that the content was boring cause I wasnt really listening. The problem lies with the lecturer. She is pretty!! But then her voice was soft, not literally, but figuratively. She's not monotone but she cant seem to make an impact with her words. Whatever she says just goes into my head and somehow goes out. I guess not having lecture notes makes a difference too.

Went for cyber security and got intimidated by the formula sheet. The lecturer said that psych students or those with A levels maths background should be able to relate easily to the formulas. Funny, I am from psych and I took A levels maths, why cant I recognise any of the formulas?! Hais, anyway, no choice. Cant drop the module since the rest are not really any easier. Heard from my friend cyber is easy. Hopefully that's true.

I read the course outlines for all the courses. There's going to be a lot of presentations, group assignments and individual assignments. This is going to be a real busy sem. Think I will have to quit my tuition with the malay kids. But I feel bad for giving the mum such short notice and at quitting so close to the p6's PSLE. On the other hand, the p4 kid is not learning from me and the p6 is doing quite alright now so it shouldnt be that hard for another teacher to take over me. Hmm.. I will tell the mum this sat that I can only work till end of this month. Hopefully she will be fine with it. Oh ya, hopefully she will pay the money she owes me by this month too.

My one week holiday

2010-08-29T18:39:00.002+08:00

There are 8 people wanting to cross the river. One dad, one mom, two sons, two daughters, one policeman and one criminal. There is only one raft available and only two people can be on the raft at one time. The criminal cannot be left with any family members without the policeman's presence. The mom cannot be left with the sons without the dad's presence. The daughters cannot be left with the dad without the mom's presence. Only the policeman, dad and mom know how to operate the raft. How can they cross the river?

According to the game description, it is an IQ test which supposedly only 10% of the population can solve. I was playing this game on my itouch and after 30 mins, I managed to get the policeman, the criminal, one son and the 2 daughters over. So I was left with the two parents and a son stuck on one side of the river and the raft stuck on the other side. One key feature of this game is that an adult needs to be on the raft for it to move to any side of the river. Hais.. not very sure whether only 10% of the population can solve this problem but I believe that this is an IQ test alright.

I went to the NATAs fair and omg!! It was more expensive than I thought to go overseas. Even with the promotions, the prices still exceeded my original budget. I was hoping to go either Hong Kong or Taiwan with a budget of $500 but it proved to be impossible. So Yue and I settled for a land package of $178 for hotel and breakfast 4 days 3 nights. The air tickets we will book ourselves. Hehe, went to jetstar and tiger and they have sales fare!! Overall, tickets and hotels will cost about $600. A bit 心痛 but then looking very forward to the trip. We will be going to Taipei!! Haha, I am going to spend my 4 days eating and shopping. Budget: $400. Definitely definitely must not overspend!!

School is starting tmr.. looking forward to school too. Got allocated cyber security for my elective. Sad, cant be with yue. Looking on the bright side, I will get to know new friends. Hehe, maybe I can find a bf!! Lol, hopefully its manageable. I have no knowledge of IT at all. First lecture is tmr. I hope the lecturer is interesting or else I am going to sleep and I will wake up with no one to copy notes from =(

money money!!

2010-08-25T22:03:00.003+08:00

Hmm.. meeting with yongxiang for lunch and movie tmr. I hope it goes well.. Oh well, more importantly, I hope I dont regret it. He has been asking me out on and off and I have refused repeatedly cause I didnt want to mislead him. Oh the other hand, I have no idea how he feels about me either. So irritating that he doesnt make himself clear. Anyway, he hasnt been sending those annoying smses for quite some time so hopefully, he wont start sending the smses again after tmr.

Truthfully, I was the one who led him to ask me out for the movie cause I really am interested to watch the movie and none of my friends are. Also, its quite boring at home. I have nothing to do!! Hais.. I am too used to working. Tmr, I can have a nice lunch then watch a movie and then go for tuition. Wonderful plan. If he doesnt foil it..

I did my first session of ipl yesterday. It wasnt that painless actually. The doctor said its like rubber band snaps. To me, it felt like rubber bands snapping real hard. Bearable but still, its pain. Nothing seems to be happening to the hairs though. The doctor said it will take 7 to 10 days for the hairs to drop off. It better be that case. The 180 bucks must be worth every single cent!! Not that I am paying for it though. Daddy will be paying. He volunteered to pay for the change of my watch strap too. Its $330!! Shocking price for just a strap. Fine, a leather strap. But still.. I will never change the strap on my own accord. Apparently, my father knows that too.

Lucky lucky me!!

2010-08-22T23:30:00.003+08:00

I won an iphone 4!!! Hahaha.. I received a call yesterday morning from sushitei. I won an iphone 4 from their lucky draw. Hehe, after so many cards that I tossed into that box, finally there's some payback. But first, I have to get the confirmation letter which should reach me by next week. It still doesnt feel real. My dad and my bro will kill me if it turns out to be a hoax.

They were so damn fast. I messaged my dad before my tuition and after my tuition, my dad and my bro had came to a conclusion. My dad will get the new phone, my bro will get my dad's current phone and I get to be a generous daughter and sis. Lol!! I sort of expected that result so wasnt that upset. Haha, but my dad said he will pay for my ipl hair removal. Hehe, thats going to cost a thousand plus so I am still the biggest winner! But of course, I wont let my dad pay for everything. Its my personal thing so dont feel comfortable asking my dad to pay for it. Maybe I will just get him to subsidize a few sessions >.<

Ipl is really not cheap. The clinic that I am going to is charging 180 per session for lower legs. Not sure whether I am getting a bargain but it costs above 200 for those places that I asked. Jean Yip charges close to 300 per session!! Super ex! Hmm, going for my first session on tues. I hope it works and that I am one of those few that requires only 4 or 5 sessions for complete removal of hair. I really dont want to spend all the money that I have saved this holiday on this~ T_T

Reflections..

2010-08-20T21:58:00.002+08:00

I gave out the chocolates to 5A2 students. They were so nice. They thanked me, wished me good luck and told me to come back to teaching. One of them said thanks for inspiring me to work hard. I was quite touched although I dont know how I inspired him. Maybe it was the effort I put in marking their essays.

Students are very sensitive. They can tell whether the teacher is sincerely trying to help them or just marking their work out of duty. After they got back the first piece of work that I marked, they realised that I made the effort to correct all their mistakes and give them comments/suggestions so they put in a lot more effort on the next piece of work they handed in to me. They came up to me to clarify their doubts. So really, although the students themselves need to take responsibility for their own behaviour, teachers really make a huge difference to their attitude.

On the other hand, its not fair to ask teachers to mark students' work as detailed as I do. I only had two classes' essays and I did not have a tight deadline. For the permanent teachers, they have 3 or 4 classes and two subjects of work to mark. Also, they need to return the work to the students within one or two weeks and go through with them. I wonder, if I am in the same situation, would I still put in that much effort in marking each piece of work?

Its really not easy to be a teacher. A teacher makes a difference in his/her students' lives, be it positive or negative. I dont think I can handle that heavy a responsibility. Or rather, I dont want to bear such a heavy responsibility. I think I can be a good teacher though. I will consider teaching smaller group sizes.

Last day!!

2010-08-20T11:29:00.003+08:00

Its the last day at school!! Finally~~ Hehe, its time for me to rest!! Still a few more hours before I can go home and napppp. I am tired.. Haha, Doing nothing now but counting chocolates over and over. I brought chocolates for one of my class and only one of my class. Haha, I am a biased teacher! But honestly, I have four classes and each class has close to 40 students. It will really cost too much to buy for all of them.

I bought famous amos cookies in those nice gift tins for my two teaching supervisors. I got 50g free for myself. Haha, its delicious. Hopefully, my supervisors like cookies as well. I wanted to buy those pretty new-style umbrellas in the shape of a jap doll in kimono for them. I called my mum to ask and she was so shocked. Apparently umbrella are not given as gifts for chinese. Something to do with funerals. Uh oh, luckily i called my mum..

Anyway, yesterday's social studies lesson flopped!! I was so angry with them that I didnt give out all my chocolates. I wanted to give out to the whole class regardless of the game outcome but I was too angry. So I only gave out to 3/4 of them. Hais, its really not easy to control a class. Dont understand why they dont understand the instructions. Really need PATIENCE!!!

Counting down.. last 2 days!!

2010-08-18T21:15:00.002+08:00

They say at the end of the rainbow, I will find a pot of gold. But at the rainbow, I found you!!

Hahaha, one of my students told me this. But of course, it wasnt for me. He asked me whether there was this saying that at the end of the rainbow there will be a pot of gold. I replied yes and he happily went to type an sms. After he sent the message to the person, he told me thats what he sent over in that message. I was speechless.. Thats incredibly corny!! He was pretty amused over it himself.

Yesterday, I had my observation. It wasnt that bad. The class fell silent once the observer(teacher) stepped into the classroom. The students are very smart actually.. in terms of social skills. They still didnt understand my lesson on forums although I practically spoon-feeded them this time round!! I showed an example of a forum. I analyzed to them what they need to include in writing a forum article and I gave them the format. It was as clear as day!!-at least for me.. They just need to come up with their own points and arguments. Hais.. I am marking the writing for the class that I taught on Monday. Not a bad job in overall but still, much room for improvement. For my observation, the teacher said I couldnt really project my voice and not enough student-teacher interaction. Reasonable, since those are really my shortcomings.

Tmr I will be playing a game for my social studies lesson. Hope it will turn out well. I bought chocolates after all. If they dont cooperate, I wont give the chocolates to them. Hee!

Last week of work!!

2010-08-16T20:31:00.003+08:00

I know the reason why I shouldnt be a teacher. Too tiring!! Okay fine, I only had 2 classes of essays to mark but god knows why, they take so long to finish marking! I cant believe I took one week plus close to two weeks to finish marking. As entertaining as the essays are, they actually take a fair amount of effort to look through and to correct the abundant mistakes. Oh, and dont forget the brain juice needed to translate the students' message hidden beneath all the wrong expressions and ambiguous sentences. All in all, it was a good experience but not one that I want to go through again.

I taught a lesson today on forums for situational writing. I was taken aback when the whole class didnt understand what I was teaching. Share your views so you write whether you agree or disagree with the articles, why and then state personal examples. I thought it was fairly straightforward but the class was utterly confused after I told them that and my teaching supervisor had to take over the lesson. Embarrassing!! Haha, I learnt from this though. I should have shown the students an example of a forum article and went through with them step by step on writing a forum. And then analyze the question with them and guide them through the writing. Its spoon-feeding but I guess it does make the picture clearer. Nvm, I have another lesson tmr with another class on the same topic. I shall try it out then.

Its last week of work and I am very happy!! I cant wait for a break and I want to return to studying. Working is tough! I just received my pay for last month. So happy!! One step closer to my 5 figures dream. Hee, NATAs fair is next week. I want to go overseas!!!

Changing

2010-08-13T23:58:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. today i feel quite bothered by two incidents. Firstly, when Preetha asked me to go for lunch today, i didnt ask MY to go along though she was sitting right beside me and Preetha was like ?! Secondly, while on walking to the lrt station with MY and Yana, I was approached by some of my students and i left the two of them without saying goodbye or anything. I feel quite bothered cause I am not an impolite person. On retrospect, I should have said something but at that moment, it just didnt occur to me.

I used to be more sociable. According to one of my friend, I am a hypocrite. I show two faces to people and I like to present myself in a good light. I thought that I am a friendly and easy-to-approach person but she told me otherwise. She said that I smile a lot, I do look friendly but the feel that i give others might not be. Its true though. I smile a lot to people, but without my friends around, they are usually token smiles to look polite. It used to be much easier. I dont know whats happening but I can feel myself changing. I dont even make the effort to be hypocritical anymore.

I dont dislike the other two interns but I know that we can never be more than acquaintances. I am too different from the two of them. A few years back, I would have smiled at them and maintained a friendly atmosphere between us. But now, I dont try. I dont even remember to try. Its really out of sight, out of mind for me now. For people that are not important to me, I can overlook them so easily to the extent that I forget their existence. Is that normal?

I can feel myself getting more cynical. More guarded against other people and more unfeeling. I cant seem to accept new friends easily. Instead of participating, I now like to stay in the background and observe whats happening around me. Introverted. Getting very introverted. Not good at all.

I hope I will be happier when I get back to school. Meeting with my friends everyday and more laughter should help me. I am very easily influenced by my surroundings. I cant laugh when theres no laughter around me.

Another interesting essay

2010-08-12T11:26:00.003+08:00

I marked a very creative piece of work today. The question was "Power". It was up to the students to choose their approach to the question. Most who attempted this question in the argumentative or expositary style failed quite miserably. They just dont have enough examples or points to support their view. Anyway, this particular student approached the question in narrative style. His story goes like this:

There was an island named Tomato island situated near Easter island. On Tomato island, there was a small population and a very wise king, Pump Kin. Pump Kin led the island to prosperity and he was well-respected by his people. One day, he died and passed on his throne to his son, Man Pow Er. The people expected Man Pow Er to follow in his father's footsteps but he did not. He was greedy for power and recognition. He turned all his people into slaves, forcing them to collect stones so that he can carve his face on the stones. He wanted his face to be known to all his people including those in the future generations. He built a small army to watch the actions of his people and one day, he invaded Easter island. He slaughtered the people there and captured those with the skills of stone carving as his own people had no such expertise. He even brought back the huge slabs of stones from Easter island to Tomato island. His greed for power and recognition brought his own downfall. Tomato island began to sink under the stones' heavy weight and the people there fleed to America. Man Pow Er refused to flee as he knew that outside the island, he was just a powerless man and a nobody. He drowned together with his island deep down into the Pacific Ocean. Up to this date, Easter island is the sole witness to the existence of Tomato island.

Interesting story, isnt it? Very creative but then not very suitable for academic writing. Cant fail him but cant give him a good grade either. Oh well..

Interesting(?!) essay ideas

2010-08-11T21:23:00.005+08:00

I have been marking my students' essays over the long weekend. Unbelievably, I spend about 20 min each per essay. Goes to show how 'wonderful' their work is. I have only finished marking one class so far. There's another class to go. Hais.. its really not easy to mark their work cause i dont really know how to give them grades or should i say, passing grades. Generally speaking, their grammar needs a lot of work and they really need to read more so that they can express themselves clearly with words. In future, i will definitely cultivate the habit of reading in my children. Very very important!!

The question that most attempted is " Write about a time when an accident turned out to be a blessing in disguise". Simple and straightforward question. Its amazing what sort of story the students can come up with and how twisted their idea of blessing is. The most popular storyline: you have a best/childhood friend --> got separated somehow and lost contact --> one fine day you knocked down a person --> turned out to be your long lost friend and voila, a reunion!! The storyline is actually fine if the students can go on to explain that they managed to rebuild a bond with the friend and blah blah blah. But they dont. Most stopped at "turned out to be the friend" part. So whats the blessing?? There was one story that left me speechless. You knocked down a person and he/she died on the spot and then you realised it was your friend. On retrospect, it was a blessing as you managed to meet your friend before he/she died?!?! I think the student forgot that he or she was the cause of friend's death.

Another outrageous storyline that involves a car accident again: you were driving the car back to your company and then knocked down a man --> man died on the spot --> police came and discovered he was a terrorist who was planning to bomb your company --> you saved your company and many lives --> police let you go scot-free and told you good job. Very creative, yes, but also illogical. There are many logic gaps in their writing which are mostly due to their ignorance of perhaps law or the adult world. However, this can be overcome if they read more so moral of story: Read more!!

A long long weekend

2010-08-09T19:08:00.004+08:00

Its National Day today so its a public holiday. Its a school holiday tmr so no work either. I guess working as a teaching intern has its benefits. Can go home earlier in the afternoon and I get more holidays than office jobs. On the other hand, i am not paid for the holidays and i need to get to school by 7.30!! Hmm, last friday the interns got called in by the principal for a meeting. Apparently, we were leaving school too early by leaving on the dot everyday and we werent doing a lot to show that we are contributing to the school. But then, if theres nothing to do at work, of course should go home, right?

The principal said we should actively contribute to the school by teaching small groups of students after school or asking teachers for work or getting involved in cca etc. Then she implied that if we dont do something about this, we wont get very high evaluation marks. But then, its not like we didnt do work. We did. They just have to ask our teaching supervisors. Not very fair to judge us by the time we leave school. Anyway, already decided that teaching isnt for me so i guess the evaluation marks dont really matter either. Also, I am only left with 1.5 weeks of work, nothing much i can do now.

Holidays are boring. Spent saturday giving tuition, yesterday sleeping, today reading and tmr will be tuition day as well. Boring, boring!! I want to go out but too lazy. Have to save $$. I want to go Bali like sf but yue dont want to go. Hais.. she wants to go far far away. Lets go somewhere nearer for our first trip overseas. Dont think my dad will let me go far far away..

Brand New Beginning

2010-08-04T15:31:00.003+08:00

It has really been a long time since I last blogged. I looked through my past entries and the last one was in 2008!!! Haha, I guess blogging really didnt appeal to me for the past 2 years. Not that it ever had high appeal to me. But recently, I came across someone's blog and I had been following it for a while. It occurred to me that I should write a blog since a blog really acts like a diary. When I am bored, or lost, I can look through my blog posts and perhaps, my memories will be able to aid me.

I read my past posts in this blog and the blog that I have and I realised how far I have come. From that immature childish brat to what I am now. I really cant remember how much I worried over my studies in JC and after reading a certain post, it all came back to me. Funny how everything turned out. In the end, I got an A for economics. Haha, I proved my econs teacher wrong. A B for physics which was a surprise seeing how badly i fared for prelims. A B for GP and Cs for my maths and chemistry. I remembered feeling quite happy over my results as I knew that I definitely qualified for local universities. Now, I am in NTU studying psychology and happily moving on to my second year in September. Surprisingly, I am doing quite well in university, I even qualified for 2nd major!! Haha, I took communication studies for that. Apparently, its quite a tough major to take but surely, if i work hard, I can do it =)

The reason for the title of this post is because I have moved on to the next phase of my life-university/part-time work life. Its going to be a brand new beginning alright.

2008-05-08T16:23:00.002+08:00

Haha.. it has really been a long time since i blog in here. Not that i have forgotten about this blog just that i dont really have the time and patience to blog frequently. A bit of update, i am in JC2 now, getting very busy and stressed with prelims around the far corner.
I had econs test today. Was careless and lost 2 marks in a simple question. I forgot to convert the table into percentage form and i guess the other marks are gone too. Hopefully the teacher will be lenient enough to just deduct a few marks. T_T I dont want to fail econs.. thats the subject that i have the most confidence in. If i fail that, i think i will really be very very disappointed.
Have physics test tmr. Although its a H1, i still want to pass the paper. My teacher gives out stickers for those who pass. I forgot to bring my paper the other time ended up that i didnt get my sticker TT Oh well, this time i will get one, hopefully.
Hmm.. june holidays in 2 weeks time. Prelims in 3 months time. A levels in 6 months time..

2007-03-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

Haha, took a few days to post my entry. Thought i can post my thoughts on orientation together. I got into ACJC!!! Hmm, counted as my dream jc ba, cause thats my goal actually. That jc is actually quite different from what people make it out to be, or perhaps is because i only met my og people these few days.
Orientation was fun, i must admit, but i didnt really enjoy it thoroughly. Very very tired. Dont like the cheering. I loved the mass dance!! Some games were fun too. My og people is nice, so is the ogls.
My blouses are too big!! Told the auntie that the size is too big yet she says it's ok. Today i went down to orchard to change and NO STOCK!! Hais.. have to go down again some other day.
Hmm.. Kay, thats all for today. Shall blog on my class next!!

2007-02-19T00:19:00.000+08:00

YAY!! Haha, Happy chinese new year!! I am back to blog about my results as mentioned earlier. Hmm. My result was what i had hoped for so, yup, very satisfied and happy. I was a little too hasty with my twelve choices at JAE though. Regret it now but hais.. no use crying over spilt milk.
The day of getting result was quite disappointing though. Thought it will be a very emotional day for everyone. The hall will be filled with tears, laughter, relief, people hugging, etc. However, it turned out otherwise. There were people crying of course, but its not what i expected. Except for my heart pumping faster when i received the result slip, there were not exactly other strong emotions. Well, at least most of my friends attain good results and thats that.
Today or at least half an hour earlier was the first day of the chinese new year. My relatives came to my house for lunch and i received three hongbaos. I am expecting only three more. Hais.. The bad side of having only a few relatives. Not many hongbaos.
Haha. No more to blog. Well, will be blogging of my result of JAE next. Oh ya, I am going to have my piano exam soon, wish me good luck :)

2007-01-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

Yea!! Hmm.. haha, think there is at least a few months before i last blogged. Can't help it, the page always take so long to load, i dont have the patience to wait.
JC life started last week. Cant really adjust myself, now i miss the boring days of the long holiday. There is no time to sleep!! Hais.. not actually no time, just that i am too used to sleeping at 3 sth and i cant get to sleep earlier than that!! I am waiting for my internal alarm clock to adjust itself now.
The lectures started today, all of them are so boring. I actually slept through some of the lectures. They said no need buy textbooks in the end still have to buy for chinese. 骗人的!!
Hee, i love the show on channel u from ten to eleven !! 金枝欲孽. So nice!! All the imperial ladies in the show seem to be so scheming!!
Nothing more to write. Shall post of my O's results next time!!

2006-07-02T00:33:00.000+08:00

I had a big arguement with my younger brother today. I started it. I didnt mean to, really. Its just that he told me that he is going out with his scouts friends to sell the donation tickets at orchard or dont know where tomorrow. Its a sunday. And thats not the prolem. The thing is, he's skipping tution because of that! Its not the first time. Maybe i dont have the authority to care. I just want the best for him. Maybe the way which i handled the situation was bad.
To him now, nothing is more important than scouts, friends, play. I asked him about it and he said that to him, studies isnt important. Thats wrong. I really regret not studying when i was in my lower sec. If i did, i wouldnt be doing so badly in my work now. I dont want him to face the same prolem as me. His results isnt ideal at all. Two borderline passes and failure for all his remaining subjects. He is only in sec 1. If he doesnt improve, he will drop to normal stream. Not that normal stream has anything wrong. My elder brother woke up when he fell to normal stream but what can promise that he will wake up if he did so. He is now just like my elder brother when he was in lower sec but worse.
I dont know what i can do to help him. His attitude, his results, his way of thinking.. He cant listen to any of us. It just doesnt get into him. I really miss my dad. If he was here, things wouldnt have been so bad. At least he will will be more obedient. I really dont understand. Why doesnt daddy want to go overseas?? Doesnt he miss us? I really want him back. Even if i cant go out with my friends that often. Even if i will get more restricted. There are problems between mum and dad now, because of the long distance, they cant communicate. Everytime he returns, they quarrel. I really miss him, i really want him to come back.
I am afraid, very afraid. Afraid that one day, i will take the wrong path and refuse to let anyone guide me back. I feel like being in a big palace now. One way to the throne, many ways to the dungeon. I dont know what will be my future. I dont know what i want to be.Its just a blanket of mist surrounding me. Do everyone feels that? or is it just me?

2006-04-15T12:31:00.000+08:00

Hais.. woke up very early this morning. Kind of a miracle, judging that i normally sleep till one in the afternoon. However it could be because i slept the whole day yesterday ending up that i cant sleep anymore today. Hmm.. yesterday i went to biying's house and had bowling with her and huiqi over there. It was very fun ^^
Hmm.. nothing much to say. Life has been as normal as usual. Its going to be midyear soon. Haha, i havent started studying yet. Intending to start soon, intending.. Hais.. so tired everyday after school. Dont have much time for anything. Compared to a few years before, i seemed to have become more studious, in the sense that i dont really watch tv and read may books now. No time actually.
You know, i have noticed that compared to the first time i have known some of you, you all really seemed to have changed. Didnt really noticed before as people changes slowly but now sitting down and really thinking.. you all have changed a lot. Those that i have known since sec 1.
More mature, more steady, not as playful and energetic as before. Quite sad.. everyone have been forced to grow up. To be more realistic. Cant be as carefree as before, cant be yourself anymore.. have to put on a mask and be what people want you to be. Quite sad actually.
I wonder if i have changed.. changed to become as fake as anyone else

2006-03-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

Hais.. finally blog again.. I lost my chem Tys. Quite sad.. My poorest subject is chem yet that person still take my chem tys. Hmm... should be stolen ba, i remember i put it in my locker, huiqi also remember.. Hais.. why take the chem tys??? Inside also have physics tys, why dont take physics instead?? Hais.. never mind ba, maybe i will go popular to buy other chem assessment books instead.
You know, recently i found out a lot of things. I just realised how selfish and mean people can be. For the sake of their laugh and moment of fun, they can actually do things that are seriously so hurting. I dont understand. Is laughing and jeering at people so important to them? Must they really see the person cry before them before they can wake up? Or should i believe that making a person cry before them is their ultimate aim? Maybe to them, everything they do is just for laugh, but can they turn around and see that perhaps someone is crying at the other side.. How overboard do they have to go before they can just wake up and keep their mouths shut?
I really really cant stand them but what can i do? Fate has it that i still have to face them for at least half a year more. I care more about my friends than about myself. When they make my friends miserable, i feel even more miserable. I really hate people who laugh and boycott others.. I seriously hate that. Whenever i see them with their mouths open speaking nonsense and smiling like an idiot, i really wish from the bottom of my heart they can just bang themselves into the wall. At least i would be the one laughing then..

2006-02-01T20:39:00.000+08:00

A long long time before my last blogging... A lot of things happened lately. In my cca, in my social life, in my family.
Chinese new year is here but i cant feel the atmosphere. My daddy is finally back from overseas yet i dont know whether i should smile. I know that he has been working hard outside all alone in another country. When he comes back, he expect a warm welcome and everyone exactly like before.. but thats not possible! We have changed and he wasnt there to witness our changes. When he comes back he is shocked, he scolds, he is angry.. I dont know what i can do. There is a serious lack of communication between us and him. Maybe thats why they say successful men normally dont have a blissful family. When they are working outside, they are so used to giving orders that they do it at home. They are so used to having their way that the do it at home too. Why doesnt he understand that this will just cause us to shy away from him? I dont want my family to be like that!
Hais.. cried this morning because of that.. first thing in the morning..
You know, i did a thing not long ago which i cant differentiate whether i did it correctly or not. Maybe i shouldnt have interfere but i dont want my friend to suffer and lose herself over a guy like him. The guy was not true to her yet she was too deep in. Seeing her that miserable that day, i really felt guilty but i was also happy. At least she can move on now, after standing up she can start again. Forgive me, if you really blame me.. sorry..
Seeing her back to normal today, i really felt very relieved. No matter what, hope that you will have a smooth relationship the next time. Find a guy who really likes you. Bless you..
About my cca, i really dont know what i can say anymore. So messy, so confusing. Not to worry, i have learn to let things go.

2005-10-28T12:27:00.000+08:00

Such a long time that i have not blogged.. hais.. not many things happened these few days except for yesterday. Dont know why i flare up, dont know why i cried. Guess everything just got into me and frightened me suddenly. Too suddenly. So suddenly that i dont even want to take on the post anymore.. maybe to them, there shouldnt be any pressure because we are working together. but its only for that second. How many times do we work together? Maybe i dont have the right to say this, since i am not the one doing all the things. I admit, i have not been a good vice-chair in action, but in heart, this post is really sitting on top of me and its very heavy. I cant breath. Together with so many other things, i am suffocating. I dont want it anymore.
I know i am being very childish. I should know how to handle and manage stress by now. I know i have to grow up but i really want to go back, reverse time and become a child. Cant believe that i actually wanted to grow up faster when i was a child. Stupid for not knowing to treasure things until they are gone.
I know i have gone too far yesterday, for blowing up like that, but i just wanted them to realise the seriousness of the situation. Nothing, nothing is more important than finance in a cca or anything else. So what if there is unity but i cant talk about that, because we dont have. One keep saying playing ball. One only thinks about anything but attending cca. All talk but no action! Then whats the use of talking? Since we are not going to carry it out anyway. What really got into me is that no one is abiding the rules that has already been made. No one is enforcing them, so why do we have to make new rules?
Its no use. No one cares.. not even her. I should have realised. She is different now, but i cant blame her as i am not the same either. May be good may be bad. Maybe there should be a clean break since it doesnt matter to her anymore. I thought of a lot of things after walking off yesterday. Actually i just want someone to care. Maybe someone do care but i cant feel it. I want to feel care yet i dont. Not from her. I realised that i have been sleeping a lot since things changed between me and her. I feel that i am scary myself. I can sleep for the whole day waking up for only 4 to 5 hours. Yesterday i realised the reason. Its not my body that is tired, it is my heart. Its tired now and it cant recover. How? What should i do?

2005-09-21T12:04:00.000+08:00

Exams.. exam.. WAA!!! so many exams.. so many subjects.. so many chapters.. fail english must be retained!! waaaaa.. i am dead meat. Dead, cooked, roasted, chao da..
怎么办？不敢向你装傻..
Hais.. the fate of students.. i dont know how to revise. I dont want to be retained. I cant be retained, my parents will skin me alive. My english results are always borderline passes, the worst thing is it cant be studied!!
Can someone give me brains? I need more brains, more IQ, no EQ never mind. More IQ i think is enough for now. EQ, save it for later.
Hmm.. have to study hard from now onwards. No more time to spare.
没时间，我没时间..

2005-09-18T13:04:00.000+08:00

Haha, long time before i have updated my blog. Hmm.. nothing special happened these few days except for the mid-autumn celebration at school yesterday.
It was a very busy day yesterday. I reached home only at 12 something at in the morning. If i had known earlier, i wouldnt have gone for the performance, at least my last performance will be more perfect. I made many big obvious mistakes. So stupid of me T_T
I was very tired when i reached home then i just went to sleep. Haha, didnt bath, so smelly = p
i woke up at 12 something in the afternoon then realised that i was late for my tution. Rushed and rushed, in the end, i arrived at my tution place only at three something. Hais.. I still want to sleep..
End of year exam arriving in two weeks time. I am not prepared yet. The first time that i am so nervous and scared for an exam. I think i cant make it for many subjects, or all subjects. Can anyone teach me? especially in my physsics and chemistry. Waa.. I dont want to be retained!!

2005-09-13T10:49:00.000+08:00

Today, there was another big misunderstanding with her again. I dont know what i can do now.
Actually, from the very beginning, i had a deep sense of insecurity in my heart. When i gradually became closer friends with her, their attitute towards me became more and more hostile. i was very scared at that time, scared that our friendship will be destroyed by them. I know the degree of friends cant be measured by time but no matter what, they came earlier than me by two years and thats a lot. I didnt say it to anyone and kept it in my heart, because i know that the most basic foundation of friendship is trust. I dont want to lose her as a friend just because of my stupid insecurity.
I thought that as days goes by, i wont feel that insecure anymore. However, things turn otherwise. Their attitude, her troubles, deepen my insecurity more and more. Its still alright, i can go on, that was what i told myself. I told myself not to expect the worst. Until the day her attitude changed.
Suddenly, she took on a different attitude towards me, without any warnings, without any reasons. No one can imagine how i felt at that time. I was really very very sad. I thought we could carry on, but she seemed to have gave up. I was very shocked, very... I dont know how to describe how i felt at that time. After that, many things happened, i cant remember clearly, i just remember myself crying everyday every night. Really very miserable.
Then things went back a little to normal, i thought if this carries on, maybe, maybe, one day we can be the friends that we were before. Today, she said something. I know she didnt mean anything, really i know. I am sorry if i caused her unhappiness. The problem lies with me, not anone else. That sentence somehow triggered my insecurities and they just suddenly gushed up. I didnt know how to handle, so i went out and hid. I told myself that i must believe in our friendship. I know we both want to be friends, that is enough. I kept encouraging myself, but i wanted to hear a word of encouragement from her too. So i went back, then i realised that the world went upside down again. Then i get scolded by desmond for being immature but its not fair. He doesnt understand how i feel. Its very difficult to keep those feelings of insecurity down especially at this moment of time. I didnt wanted to go on stage, because i feel that i am not in the right condition to handle it now, not because of anything else.
I just want some encouragement that we can still carry on, that the story has not finished. I dont ask for much, just some sentences that might not mean a lot to her but will mean a lot to me. I dont want to feel so insecure, but i cant help myself. Can you give me some courage and encouragement to believe in you, in our friendship, and in myself?

2005-09-11T12:06:00.000+08:00

I am very tired, both physically and mentally. I really feel that i will faint if i continue this way. To anyone out there, please hold me in time if i really do. i dont want to end up bruised all over. I need a rest, a long one. But how can i rest? Even if my body rests, will my heart rest? I want a rest. Someone up there, please give it to me.
I cant let go completely. What am i supposed to do? i managed to let go some but the others are entangled with me. How? Is it really time that i need?
Bought a new pair of earrings today. One pink dolphin and one blue dog. Very kawaii neh! It brighten me up a bit. Please give me some cute things now and then. Be it actions, expressions, gifts, cards, language, animation or anything. Just something that can make me remember my innocence. I am too old for my age. Not good. My face is already too old for my age, now even my heart wants to be so T_T
Boohoohoo.. i want to be pretty and young lah..

2005-09-10T14:07:00.000+08:00

Without the load of friendship troubles, i really feel more relaxed and carefree. Really. I am so glad that i made the choice of giving up on friendship. In this case, i will not expect too much from it and a little bit will seem more.
Dont understand why, she seems to hesitate when looking into my eyes. Is it that hard to face up to me? Hmm.. i have already decided to let go, so everything should be easier for her, right?
I went for a haircut today, but there doesnt seem to be much difference to my hair. So disappointing. I wanted the new haircut to mark the starting of the new me but something gone wrong at the hairdresser. Never mind, next time i will cut my hair myself. Haha, saw a lot of pretty earrings today. Finally i can buy, i cant wait to wear many different earrings!
Went for both piano and maths tution today. A very tiring day today is. I dont want to return home so late from tution anymore. Seriously, i am very tired, very. I think i am quite prepared for my piano practical exam at the 23rd of this month. If evereything goes well, i should be able to pass =)
Hais.. there is a long long road in front of me, there are many different lanes. Which way should i go, or should i say which way have fate decided for me to go?

2005-09-09T17:28:00.000+08:00

I cried for more than one hour just now. My heart seems to hurt very much. Cant understand. Why am i so miserable? How ever did i get myself into such a pathetic stage. Haha, i cried and cried. I really wanted to stop, but tears just keep falling out. Naughty tears. Its all right, i have plenty more, i can afford to cry everyday, but i have decided not to.
My heart broke into many pieces. I took a long time and much effort to piece my heart back, so i have to treasure it, right? So a tall tall strong wall is built around it. I am going to protect myself now. No more tears over silly stuff like friendship. I really believed in it, now i realised the truth behind it. No such things as real friends. Anyone who spoke to you more than ten sentences can be counted as a friend.
I have to specially thank three persons from my class. They helped me realise how pathetic the world is. They helped me in realising how vulnerable friendship can be. I thank them once more and i thank them again. I am not going to be the stupid girl anymore. I suppose love is the same as friendship, so love is not going to be something i welcome anymore.
TADA! I am not going to let anyone except my family into my heart now. No, cant let others even get close to it. I am too weak to withstand another betrayal now. I am going to change myself into another person and i am determined to do it. I have pierced my ears. I am going to cut my hair or change my hairstyle later. I will change myself in any way i can. I m going to be different, stronger and cleverer.
Oh ya, if anyone sees me falling into the stupid dream of friendship forever, just give me a slap on the face. I will wake up immediately and give mself another slap on the face.
Yes, i am going to start my life all over again. I know its impossible to erase those memories but i will try my best to create more memories. Happier and even more happier memories. Yup! I know how to take care of myself now. Wouldnt get hurt anymore. Do wish me happy on my new life.

2005-09-09T12:40:00.000+08:00

Once there was a girl, sad and always sad. Lost and always lost. Lonely and always lonely. False hopes keep coming her way. Making her disappointed over and over again. Kept her crying nights and nights awake. Make her laugh at her own foolishness time and time again.
Stupid girl, right? No happiness for her. Thats her punishment for being stupid. No friend by her side. Thats her punishment for being unrealistic.
Stupid girl, stupid life, stupid story. Tear it apart and start fresh again? Nah, too late for that. Imprinted deep in her heart, no way she can get rid of it. So whats the ending?
She stilll keeps crying her life away, in disappointment hurt all over.

-- the end--

2005-09-09T12:26:00.000+08:00

Yea, another day gone. Another day of the "holiday" gone. There is only tomorrow that i can rest, yet i have piano at ten something in the morning and tution at five. What a wonderful life..
I didnt complete my maths homework yesterday so i have to do it today and make a detour tomorrow before tution to hand in my work. I am wasting my time. Beautiful life..
Yay! My ear doesnt hurt anymore. Dont know which dummy say that the process of piercing the ear doesnt hurt, its the process of recovering that hurts. Well, it doesnt seem to apply for me, at least not for now.
Went to silk's house for the rehearsal of the english skit today. Had great fun playing around with the many cloths that huiqi brought over. Haha, i am the moon goddess. I had a beautiful costume at first, all of us had a beautiful costume at first. However, we found it to be too much as no oter group seems to be doing the skit, so we simplified all the costumes. In the end, i ended up with a very very long piece of white cloth =) Silk is acting as cleopatra. Wow! She look georgous in the costume. I think all the boys will be mesmorized by her. Yup!
No special strong feelings today. Sad feeling still lingering but dosnt matter. Its going to die down soon. Then that will be the day where i totally and really give up. Good luck to you, good luck to you too. When together, feels extra, but who knows?

2005-09-08T13:12:00.000+08:00

Yay! Finally pierce my ears today. Haha, feel so happy. Now i can wear pretty ear rings =) I cried. Not when i pierce my ears but before i pierce my ears. Feel so ashamed now T_T but i was very scared. There was two jc girls at the shop too, then they saw me crying then they whisper whisper.. -.- I think the salesgirl was also frightened by me, but she was quite calm. She kept reassuring and distracting me. Hmm.. they all lied to me. They say that the process is too fast for pain to be felt. Cheat me of my feelings. It was quite painful, not that painful till i will cry but still considered painful. Just like an ant bite, then the ant which bitten me must be a big big red one.
I feel like i have went on a rollar coaster trip today. My feelings went up and down. Hopeful--disappointed--very sad--excited--scared--painful--happy--relaxed
Quite an eventful day today. I am quite proud of myself as i am very scared of pain, but no choice, ai mei ma. Haha. Pretty ear rings, here i come!

2005-09-07T08:53:00.000+08:00

Ming Tian De Xing Fu

gu shi hai mei you jie shou

rang wo zai ba n lou zhu

bie wang le yu yue

ming tian de xing fu

zou guo de mei ge jiao bu

tou zhi de huan xin gu wu

neng wei ni chi ku bu jue de ku

shou xin you ni de wen du

leng ku jiu ke yi dang zhu

wo wei ni yue hao

ming tian de xing fu

zai ren hai qi qi fu fu

ai shi wei yi de di yu

yao pei ni kan jian

mei ge ri chu

wo bu yao gu shi jie shou

dan wo yi wu li wo zhu

xi wang neng wei ni yue hao

ming tian de xing fu

xing fu shi shen me yan se de, wo bu zhi dao, dan wo xi wang wo neng ba wo zhen zheng shu yu wo de xing fu, jin guan na shi zai ji bai nian hou de wei lai..

2005-09-05T13:34:00.000+08:00

Yay! Home sweet home! I am back finally.
Hmm.. days at the camp were really exciting, those that missed the camp really miss out the fun. Well, i think the food there was nice, bbut it seems that not many agree with me. Never mind.
The campfire was really disappointing. It is such a failure compared to the campfire at the leadership camp. I fell asleep during it. Haha, I almost ran out of PE shirts during the camp. The activities there were quite challenging. especially the CRC, challenge rope course. I like the team-building session. It was very fun, same goes for the trainer too. My group's trainer is weining. She looks quite in the middle, she can be a handsome guy but aslo can be a cheerful-looking girl. She is very fun but seems a little blur though. Hmm.. the trainers there are all very young, most are only in the range of eighteen to twenty something. However, their capabilities do not really match their age. I was quite surprise to know that weining is only in her nineteen.
Yay! i slept for a long time today. Couldnt really sleep well during the camp, it was quite noisy. I plan to sleep more. Yes, more, have to sleep more =)

2005-08-31T12:00:00.000+08:00

I planned to do a lot of things today, but after the long nap in the afternoon, haha, no more time left -.-
Still have not pack my bag for the camp. i found out my grouping today, not many familiar faces but never mind. The objective is to know more people, right?
Going to watch march of the penguin tomorrow, very excited. Going to see a lot of penguins! Hee, going to wear the new clothes i bought tomorrow. So fun! Penguin, penguin, PENGUINS!

2005-08-30T12:18:00.000+08:00

A bright and beautiful monday today is. I bought the nan hua tie today.Haha, had a lot of fun fooling around with it. The tie is quite expensive, in the sense that i am only going to use it for only about one and a quarter year. Well, the tie doesnt really looks that appealing to me, but never mind, at least i dont look stupid and nerdy wearing it.
T_T got scolded by mrs wong today. I fell asleep during her maths lesson. Boohoo! I wont do it again, at least i will try not to do it again =P
Haha, had a lot of fun during guzheng today. I like being a senior so much, bullying the juniors seem quite a happy thing to do. Haha, just joking. Well, I manage to collect some money for the guzheng fund today. Yay! Finally, the guzheng fund has some money inside, but its still not enough to pay off the money we own the other members. Hais.. money troubles..
Played netball after guzheng then went home with jas. Talked a lot on the way to the us-stop and on the bus. Ya, and we saw a squirrel at the playground at the bus-stop. It was so kawaii! First time i ever see a squirrel so close up.
Hmm.. i do wonder, when would i ever fall in love, or not infactuation also can. Well, i think i am desperate le. Haha, everyone seems to have the experience of falling in love, only i am the exception. Why? Dont understand at all..

2005-08-29T11:39:00.000+08:00

Visited my grandparents today. Haha, haven't visit them for a week. So happy to see them again :)
After that, i went for tution. Hmm.. my brother is having his science exam tomorrow, so his tution time was prolonged. Haha, i took the extra time to do some shopping =) Bought some clothes and an anklet. The anklet broke like only after two hours of wearing and it dropped at dont know where in je. So xin tong, wasted my money T_T
Haha, going for camp on friday. Heehee! I think it will be very fun. I heard that there are many challenging activities at the camp. I am looking so forward to it.. but i have not packed my bag. I still have not decided between the small bag and the big bag. Bee.ling say that a big-sized bag is not needed but a small bag cannot contain all the items needed. Hais.. so troublesome..

2005-08-26T21:46:00.000+08:00

Haha, another peaceful day. Yay! Jas is bubbly again! Hmm.. must be the help of the calculators. Haha :)
Going to do a skit for english lessons after school reopens. Haha, our group is doing on cleopatra. Hehe, its going to be so fun! So excited.. Attended a financial talk today. It was quite interesting in some ways or other. Decided on my future goals and dreams today:
CAREER-- To be the manager of the managing and service department
FAMILY-- To have a husband that dotes on me and two children
FINANCIAL-- Enough money to support my needs and wants
ACADEMIC--To go to a good university and graduate with flying colours
HOLIDAY-- To go to France, Paris, America, Japan, England, Las Vegas and ship cruises
SPORTS-- Learn judo and dance
OTHER GOALS-- Be happy, healthy and pretty =)
Tada! These is what i am going to be like in future. YAY! The talk was fine except for the presenter who kept walking around in circles, made me so dizzy :(
Then i went for tution with jas. Stayed till 9 pm. Too late in the night so jas's dad gave me a lift in his lorry. Haha, thanks! If not for the lift, i think i will be trembling when i reach home =S
Yay! Flag day tomorrow. Its going to be fun! Thats all for today, goodnight!

2005-08-26T13:02:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. played arm wrestling with the girls again. Now then i realise that my arm is that weak. BooHoo T_T Now, my arm aches very much. It is quite painful, i am not going to play with them anymore. Haha, but i used it as an excuse for not going to piano tution today :)
No big happenings today, no special feelings today. Haha, a nice and peaceful day.. I slept for the whole afternoon today. Very happy. At last, i am not that tired anymore =) but i still want to sleep -_-
My misson now is to get as much sleep as possible. Hmm.. dont want to sleep in class anymore.. also dont want panda eyes. Haha, everyone, get more sleep. Better for everything :)
Hais.. maybe what i have written will cause misuderstanding or maybe it will cause more understanding, i dont know. I just want to write down what i feel and think at the moment of time when i write the entry. Hmm.. two friends, similar happenings. Like her but different from here. i am confused myself. Similar happenings, different endings? Not sure.
Face to face talks arent easy. I wish i have the courage to do it last year. Maybe things will be different then. Both of us wouldnt be hurt, or maybe i wouldnt be hurt that deeply. If only i had the courage.. but its all over.
It doent matter now, i want to be happy, i am going to be happy. No one can stop me from being happy. I am happy.

2005-08-25T08:30:00.000+08:00

Haha, got my last test result today. Its the same as what i had expected, i failed my chem with a miserable 19 marks over a total of fifty. Hmm.. not as sad as i expected. i think i am quite good in dealing with shocks. First i laugh hysterically, then after laughing, i calm down, then i the same as before. To my surprise, my mum didnt scold me. Well, i am safe for now until my dad comes back. Then it will be woa! Thunder strikes and great wind blows, lets hope i can survive.
Hais.. i wish i can find someone to halp me with my chemistry. I dont understand the whole chapter of chemical calculations. No, i understand, its just that i do not know how to apply. I played arm wrestling with the girls today ( i think it is called arm wrestling, not very sure what its called). Didnt expect YQ to be so strong. Haa, i was beaten badly by MY. Its quite fun. Well, they are walking closer and closer together, and i am straying further and further away from them or maybe not them. I dont know what i can do to improve this situation. I think its not me, its her. She just dont want to be friends with me anymore I think talking to me might even be too much for her. She is turning into them. Cant stand them, hope there wont be a day when i cant stand her. Wanted our friendship to be strong, now, haha, i dont even know whether it can last.
Never mind, i will just let nature take her path. Jasly's birthday is going to come soon. Haha, we are buying a big lion or is it tiger? Hmm.. anyway, for her. Haha, HQ says it is very big, almost the same height as jasly. Funny..

2005-08-24T11:21:00.000+08:00

Got my bio result back today. Haha, it was quite good, compared to my other results. Got a 68 mark, not too bad, right? Hmm.. i think i am very sleepy these few days. I have been sleeping in classes in almost all my lessons. Hais.. how can i improve this way? Right, i have to sleep more.
Not very sure about it, but i think she doesnt need me anymore. Dont know, maybe it is because she is feeling depressed these few days or maybe it is just because our friendship is not that strong as compared to before. She changed quite a lot. Ya, she did, become more mature and more duo chou shan gan. She changed, i also changed. I wish that i can go back to before, but there are some things now that i cannot put down. Besides JX, she is the only "best" friend that i have here. I have been worried about the friendship between her and me for a long time. Might be me just imaginating things and being too sensitive or it just might be the reality which has yet come to exist.
I know that i have a very strong sense of insecurity. I want to change this me but i cant seem to achieve it. Maybe thats why i refuse to have a boyfriend now. Its just too difficult for me to learn to really trust someone. Hmm.. i wonder, will this me be able to get a man who really loves me in future? Haha, it doesnt really matter now, i still have a long way to go before i reach that stage of life.
Well, lets just hope that our friendship can at least last till sec 4 is over. Hey, i want a big big teddy bear or soft toy for my birthday this year. No reason in particular, just want to see a big big teddy bear. Hmm.. i am going to get my brothers to buy a sling bag for me. I think the sling bag i have now is going to tear sooner or later. Or do anyone else want to get the sling bag for me?

2005-08-23T12:40:00.000+08:00

Ya, i am writing another entry today. Too many things happened today, have to separate them into two different entries. One academic, one personal. Hmm.. Jas cried today, twice, or maybe more than twice. She was very sad. I didnt feel good to see her sad. I know she has tried her best. I tried to comfort her by patting her on her back, just like how one comfort a crying baby. I feel that everyone or anyone who is cryng is just like a baby, inconfident, insecure and vulnerable. I know i am not good at words, i dont know how to comfort a person verbally, so that was the only thing that i could do. I dont know whether it is of good use, as in whether it will give her some support but thats the best that i can do.
Hmm.. B and YX tried to comfort J too, but hmm.. I dont know how to say. They go off and laugh and play and then come back every few minutes and tell J not to cry then go off to do their own things, then come back then... I mean, J is their friend, and sort of close friend. I think J needs their support and comfort more than mine. I mean, thats not what a friend should do. In my dictionary, a friend should stand by a friend especially when the other friend is feeling down. Whats a friend for if the friend cannot stand by you and give you moral support.
I cried today. No one was by my side to comfort me, felt lonely and cried even more. Cant blame my friends as i know that they are also feeling down today. I sat at the tables in front of the lifts at third floor and let my tears flow. After crying, i felt better. I watched my tears dry on the wooden table. I told myself that i will let my troubles go when my tears completely evaporate. I did it. I dont feel so stressed now. At least there is still tomorrow, there is still another big test, there is still other tests. So as long as i work hard, as long as i do my best, then no matter what is the outcome, i will gladly accept it.

2005-08-23T12:30:00.000+08:00

Hais.. what should i say? My results all dropped, except my physics and my geography. Dont understand why.. I have maths tution every saturday and sunday, i do practices almost every week, yet both my a and e maths get 50 marks each. Ya, i know, at least i didnt fail, but compared to my past maths results, waa.. i am shocked myself.
Haha, well, the reasons why i didnt do well this time:
1. i didnt revise beforehand
2. i did not pay much attention in class for some subjects
3. i copy the homework instead of doing it
4. i have become lazier ( i think it is because of the class, class slack, i also slack =( )
5. i may have become more stupid, who knows?
These reasons should be enough.
Hmm.. glad that i have a mum like mine. She didnt scold me. I know she is disappointed and my dad will also be when he knows my results. He is going to skin me alive. Haha, but he is in china, so i should be safe for a while. Well, I must improve. I am going to start doing all my homework. I dont want to have this type of borderline results.
Jiayou to me, jiayou to everyone!

2005-08-22T11:13:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not, I changed my blogskin again.Its so fun! I think i am addicted to it.Hmm.. found many kawaii ones, i took a long time picking. Haha, finally decided on this one. Like it?
Haha, hmm.. i finally thought it though.It suddenly dawned on me that actually, i need not care about others comments. As long as i am happy, as long as i am being myself, then everything is worth it. I know i still have a long way in front of me, but it doent matters anymore. Although i am still lost, i have found my direction. I dont know what is in front of me, but it must be something that have been planned for me. No matter good or bad, I have the courage to take it now. I dont have the ability to make others' lives happy, but at least i have the ability and the responsibility to make my life happy. Thats what living is for, right?
I feel so happy and relaxed now. A huge weight seemed to be lifted off my shoulders. I know that i have grown up.So happy!Haha.
Hmm.. nothing much happened today. Zhiwei came and concern me on msn, thanks to him.It made me feel less neglected. Oh ya, and thanks to jas and yangping. They tried to help me a lot.
They gave me some moral support.Haha, i was not alone after all.
Yay! My world is full of sunshine again!

2005-08-21T13:45:00.000+08:00

Hahahahaa! I just got myself a new blog skin. Its very kawaii, I love it! hmm.. learn quite a lot today. Finally, i know how to edit a blog skin. Hais.. but i still dont know how to put music into the blog. I know it can be done.. but how? Well, looks like i just have to keep on looking.
Actually, i dont know why i am putting so much effort to make my blog beautiful. Maybe its just to entertain myself. Well, I do take a look at my blog from time to time. Thats all for today. Have to go to sleep now. I already have eyebags due to late sleeping = (

2005-08-21T11:35:00.000+08:00

Yangping told me that the reasons that they make fun of me is because i am too feminine and beacause i am too fake. Too feminine? Whats the standard for feminine?How can someone be too feminine?Just because that the girls around me are as rough as boys, so I get the the crime of being too feminine. Its ridiculous, its stupid!
Too fake? I dont understand. How can someone be fake? I didnt understand it when he told me, and i still dont understand it now.If the person that I am at in school is fake, then i dont know what is the real me. I am being mself, i have always been being myself. I dont understand. Am i stupid?
Hmm.. life is all about discovering things about others, things about our surroundings and things about yourself. Actually, i do find myself contradictive at some times. To tell the truth, I dont understand others, and i dont understand myself. The real person that i am. Who am I? What am I? What am I living for? This are the questions that i have. I dont know the answers now, but i am sure, that one day in future, i will find the answers to these questions. And when i find the answers to there questions, I will also find the true meaning of life..

2005-08-21T09:35:00.001+08:00

I know that i can write anything in my blog because i know no one will come to visit. No one. Hmm.. well, its better i guess. In this case, I can write whatever i want, whatever i feel..
Hais.. so much that i want to say yet so little that i can tell. You know, i have been feeling very lonely. i am still feeling very lonely. I dont want to be so lonely, yet i dont know the way to prevent myself from being lonely. A failure, a total failure that i am.
No one understands me. I dont expect people to know me from head to toe. I dont expect them to know what i am thinking and feeling. All i ask is that they understand me more. At least look deeper, not stop at my surface and think that that is what i am. Its not fair to me, its not fair to anyone else too. I just want people to be true to me.
I hate it when they give me the haughty look. I hate it when people talk about me besides my back when they dont know what and who exactly i am. I hate it when people look at me with that look in their eyes and talk about me with that tone of voice. I hate it, I hate it!
They dont understand me, they dont make the effort to understand me. Fine, if thats the way that they want me to be in their hearts. Who am I anyway. I am just a fish on the chopping board. I am just something that they want to talk about when they are bored. They dont care about my feelings, or perhaps they dont even think that i have feelings. I dont ask for much, really. I just want to live my life as a normal secondary girl with a circle of friends. Or maybe just one or two true friends.
Maybe thats just too much to ask for, when it is coming from me.